Cold Sands
by woodrosegirl
Summary: Addison recieves some bad news and turns to the men in her life for comfort. Character death.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Cold Sands

Rating: PG

Summary: Private Practice/ Greys Anatomy crossover: Addison receives bad news and turns to the men in her life for comfort. Character death.

Pairing: Addison/Derek, Addison/Sam

Disclaimer: Not mine, Shonda's.  
Comments are love and much appreciated.

* * *

He doesn't die that day in Seattle like you thought he would. He dies at home in New York. Alone and without you. It's not the without you part that makes you angry though, it's the alone part. Archer always used to have so many people around him, you, friends, yours and his friends, girls he was seeing. Then the one time that he needed not to be alone he was.

You were at work when Bizzy called, and you ignored the phone, leaving it until later on that night to call her back. As soon as you hear her voice you hear the sadness in it. "It's Archer" she tells you, "He's gone"

Brain aneurysm they said. He would of gone peacefully she says to you, to try and make the effort of comfort. It doesn't work. You hang up the phone and dissolve into a pile on your kitchen floor. It doesn't sink in though, not even when you break the news to Naomi and Sam. It doesn't sink in until you're on the plane home, one minute you're staring out of the window, then the next it hits you like a smack in the face. Archer is gone. He's never coming back. He's never going to carry you home again. You sit there in your seat crying tears into your scotch because he's never coming back.

The funeral was awful and you have to smile to yourself because you know that Archer would of hated it. He would of complained about everything from the flowers to the fact that there weren't enough pretty girls there. When it's over Bizzy makes a bee line for you and you search desperately for someone else to talk to, but it's then that you realise that there is no one here that you know. You curse the fact that no one was able to come to the funeral with you, and even though they wanted to Naomi and Sam had Maya and you didn't feel comfortable bringing Derek even though he was Archer's brother in law for eleven years. Reluctantly you stay with your mother while she talks about how great Archer was at his work and in his personal life.

You wish Derek was here. Or Sam, or anyone who's real. Grabbing a glass of wine you leave your mother and find a space away from the fake flowers and the fake people. You hate it here, and you hate Archer for leaving you with these people. You stay in the closet with everyone's coats for half an hour crying quietly until you r mother finds you and demands that you get out there and show your face.

After the funeral you fly back home to discover Naomi and Sam waiting for you, faces full of emotion, sorrow and loss. You wonder why and then you remember all over again.

Archer.

Naomi hugs and then Sam and you nearly fall apart when you feel his arms around you. They walk you into your house and both say that you shouldn't be alone right now. You don't really feel like talking though so you use your flashing answer phone as an excuse for them to leave. Pressing play, messages from Pete, Violet, Cooper and even Sheldon fill the empty room but it's message five that really grabs your attention.

"Addie...shit" then a big sigh "shit, I'm so sorry"

Its Derek's voice that comes pouring through your phone and it nearly makes you drop the glass of wine you're holding. "Give me a call, I just need to know that you're okay" Out of everyone, Derek really understood the relationship that you had with Archer. Gulping down the wine you press stop during a message from Mark, fingers dancing over the keys, dialling the number that you can't seem to forget. "It's me" you say, as your way of greeting.

"Hey"

Just one word, but he says it so warmly that your hands start to shake. "How are you doing"

You tell him you're fine even though you know that he won't believe that you are and you tell him about the funeral.

"The flowers were lovely, and the ceremony..." you trail off allowing Derek to laugh slightly and say "Archer would of hated it" "Yes" you agree because you had that exact same thought yourself and you have to smile that you both think the same things. "He would of complained about everything" and you allow yourself a small laugh. You sober quickly though and your emotion gets the better of you as your voice cracks with the words that you haven't been brave enough to say yet.

"He shouldn't of died Derek"

The tears begin again then and all Derek can do is listen to you cry and feel hopeless that he can't be there to sooth you in person. He tells you that he will come and see you over the weekend, that you shouldn't be alone. You tell him that you have Sam, but that seeing him would be good and you accept his offer to visit.

When you hang up the phone you feel worse then ever because it makes you ache for Derek. You know he's happy now, with Meredith and even though one part of you is happy because he's happy the other part makes you feel physical pain because he's so happy and you're so miserable.

You unfortunately are not over Derek yet.

Not quite knowing what to do with yourself you take yourself down to the beach along with both the wine and the scotch. The scotch burns but you carry on drinking it because you think that eventually it will lessen the pain you're feeling from the loss of Archer. It does, but before you know it you've broken down right there in the cold sand. You scream and hot tears mingle with the cold sea water that laps slightly at your feet. Sam comes running up to you and you feel his strong arms wrap around you once again. "Addie, it's okay, its okay" he says repeatedly, moving your hair away from your face and rubbing your back.

"I'm so alone" you manage to choke out. And its then that you realise that that's been the emotion that you've been keeping to yourself since you heard the news.

No brother, no husband.

Sam holds you until the tears subside slightly and tells you that you're not alone, that you'll never be alone.

"I'll always be here" he tells you, and once the tears have stopped he scoops you into his arms and carries you back into the house. He takes the alcohol away from you and puts you to bed.

He carries you home. Just like Archer did that day, just like Derek did when you broke down after Richard made you think that you had killed that baby.

You're suddenly exhausted by all the emotion that you have out poured and you're aware of Sam moving beside you, pulling your tired body into his arms. He doesn't say anything, just holds you and he's not Archer, or Derek, but he carried you home just as they would of done.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Cold Sands 2/2  
Rating: PG  
Summary: Private Practice/ Greys Anatomy crossover: Addison receives bad news and turns to the men in her life for comfort. Character death.  
Pairing: Addison/Derek, Addison/Sam  
Disclaimer: Not mine, Shonda's.  
Reviews are love and much appreciated.

* * *

You dream that night of Archer. You're seven years old, on a beach in the middle of a family holiday. Your parents have gone off somewhere separately and instructed Archer to look after you. He's teaching you how to fish for crabs in the small rock pools and you're listening intently, staring at him quizzically as he tells you about nets and lines and you dig your toes into the warm sand as far as they can go. The sun bounces off your pink sun hat and illuminates your freckles as Archer successfully catches his first crab. He gleefully shows it to you, then proceeds to chase you around the beach with it as you scream in mock terror. Its then that you wake up and scream in real terror as you realise that he's gone. Sam comes running in, and straight away sinks down on the bed next to you and you allow yourself to be wrapped up in his arms.

"I had a dream" you manage to say through the tears that have started to make hot tracks down your face. "It was so real...his face..." you trail off as the grief overwhelms you. You haven't been able to look at a picture of Archer yet, and now you can see him straight in your minds eye. You feel Sam nod, as if he understands everything without you having to explain further.

The tears subside as you desperately try to switch your focus onto something else.

"What are you still doing here?" you ask through sniffles.

"I didn't want you to be here on your own so I went to sleep on the couch after you had fallen asleep"

You manage a weak smile, even though you know he can't see it as your head is buried in his arms.

"Thank you" you say, grateful for him staying. He releases you and studies you intently.

"I meant what I said yesterday Addison, I'm here for you"

You manage to smile properly at his kind words and reach for a tissue to dry your tears.

"Your mother called earlier, to check you got home okay, and Derek called"

"What did Derek say?"

"He said he'll be here later this afternoon, to check on you. He's taking the first flight out here"

You remember the conversation you had with him yesterday.

"I didn't think he meant this soon" you say, reaching over him and getting out of bed.

"He knows how much Archer meant to you" he says simply.

You head downstairs, hearing his footsteps follow you.

"I can make you some breakfast, if you want"

"It's okay" you say, reaching for the only thing you want. Coffee.

"I need to pop into the practice, but I won't be long"

You nod at him, giving him the green light.

"I'll be fine"

When he's gone you take your coffee outside, feeling the warm morning sun on your skin and you dig your toes into the cool sand, just as you did in the dream, only this time there's no Archer beside you. As you stare out into the distance, watching the tide your mind wanders to Derek. You'd never admit it, but you're nervous about seeing him. Its been over three months since you travelled to Seattle for Archer's surgery. You used to see him nearly everyday, and now the time you spend away from him is measured in months, not days You know he's happy with Meredith and you're happy for him, but that doesn't mean that you don't miss him. The phone rings, interrupting your reverie and you hope it's not your mother, you can't deal with talking to her at the moment. You tear your gaze away from the tide and pad into the house to answer it.

Thankfully it's Naomi.

"I've covered your patients for the next few days, so you don't have to come in"

"Thank you"

"I have to stay here for the day but I can come straight round after"

You're touched by your friend's gesture but you explain to her that Derek's due to see you today. She understands and tells you she'll come over tomorrow. Hanging up the phone you head to go back outside but a knock at the door stops you. You glance through the window and as soon as you see who it is the butterflies that you had previously dissipate and fly away.

It's Derek, and as soon as you open the door he envelopes you in his arms.

"Addie, I'm so sorry about Archer"

You feel numb at the mention of his name and murmur "Thanks for coming" into the nook of his arms.

"Any time Addie"

He removes you from his grip and holds you at arms length, studying you for clues that reflect your state of mind. He finds none as you push your emotions to the back of your mind.

"I didn't expect you so soon" you say, moving aside and letting him in.

"I caught the red eye" he says and your eyes wander to the small suitcase that he wheels in behind him.

"How long are you planning to stay"

"A few days, or as long as you need me to"

You pour him a coffee, as his eyes roam over your living room, taking in every inch of your new life.

"I brought you something" he says, opening his suitcase. Your eyes flicker over to where he's standing and you register that it's a photo album.

"I found it at the trailer" he explains "the photos are from our first holiday at the Hamptons, Archer's in them so I thought you might like to see them"

Your head fills with emotion at the thought of seeing Archer again, and he sees.

"When you're ready"

It's a lovely thought and you tell him so, but you tell him that you don't feel ready yet. You lead him outside and you sink down into the sand. It feels surreal, having Derek beside you, in your new life which was so previously untouched by him.

"How are you feeling" he asks. It's a loaded question and you're unsure how to answer.

"I feel...lost" The tears threaten to fall then, and in the blink of an eye they begin.

"I'm really going to miss him" He sees the tears and pulls you towards him. You rest your head on his chest and he absent-mindedly begins to stroke your hair.

You sit there for hours talking, with him never leaving your side.

Later, Sam returns and after wine you feel ready to look at the photo album. You sit down with both Derek and Sam and start. You have to smile at the first photos, at how young you all look. When you get to the one's with Archer in you feel the familiar tug on your heart.

"Do you remember, he met that girl, slept with her, and then proceeded to sleep with every single one of her friends?" Sam says, laughing at the memory.

"He was always such a charmer" Derek adds. "and I had the added trouble of keeping him away from my sisters"

"I think he slept with nearly every woman at the Hampton's that year" you say, laughing at the memory of Archer's womanising ways.

One photo in particular catches your eye, and you peer in for a closer look. Its of you and Archer, taken without either of you knowing and you're laughing as if you're sharing a delicious secret.

"Are you okay?" Sam asks.

"Yes, it's just...strange, seeing him again"

"It's going to take time Addie" Derek says gently, taking your hand.

"We don't have to look at these if you don't want to"

"No...I want to"

After you've finished looking at the photo's Sam leaves, and after you set Derek up in the spare room you go back to the photo album and turn it to the picture that caught your eye earlier. You slide it out of the album, into a spare frame and display it proudly in the centre of one of your shelves.

"Goodnight Archer" you say quietly.

That night you dream of Archer again, but this time you don't wake up screaming.


End file.
